My balls are so social today.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
