How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
