I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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