I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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