im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
