I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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