Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The uberlube is also flammable
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
