Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
