sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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