"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You pole danced in your parka.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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