Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
