Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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