a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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