So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
