I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am available for nakedness
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
