this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
