I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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