oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do you remember whose house we're in?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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