Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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