Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
