You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
