I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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