She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
