the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
