my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
nutella sex= disaster
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We have so much sex to catch up on
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
