i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
