awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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