I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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