I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
