there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
