we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize