wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
