The maid of honor just puked.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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