sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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