Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
