I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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