the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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