my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
