It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
