Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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