Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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