Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
