I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We left an ass print on the piano.
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Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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