Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
