my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
