Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
