I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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