I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
