He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
