she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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