I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
