Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
