He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
