This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
