How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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