nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I want to fling myself into the sun
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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