I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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