is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
