he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
