he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
