I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
