When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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