just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
