Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
