We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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