I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
