When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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