Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
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All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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