6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
