I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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